The Savage Sacktap – Toxic Masculinity

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Buongiorno ya fucks!

I’m fresh offa di plane from Italy, with a fresca episode of The Savage Sacktap…I call this one ‘Toxic Masculinity.’

Download now to hear me:

LISTEN: The Savage Sacktap – Toxic Masculinity

-Discuss the differences between Europe and the U.S.

-Explain my new favorite way to cleanse my anus.

-Breakdown my failed attempt to have sex with a bus full of retards.

-Overcome my anxiety about flying with an Arab in the cockpit.

-Propose a new ‘sexual harassment-friendly’ airline.

-Blast liberal nut jobs for accusing men of toxic masculinity.

-And much, much more.

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OJ Simpson Finds Out The Hard Way That Jerking Off In Jail Is A Big No-No

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OJ Simpson could be denied parole after he was caught pleasuring himself in his cell –  strictly verboten in federal prisons in the U.S. – a prison source has told Dailymail.com.

‘OJ is facing a disciplinary hearing after being written up for masturbating in his prison cell,’ said the source. ‘He was caught by a female corrections officer making her normal rounds in late June.’ Full Article

If I’m the Juice then I gotta go with the ol’ ignorance plea on this one. Who the fuck knew you weren’t allowed to masturbate in the privacy of your own prison cell. I was always under the impression that your cell was sort of like a hotel room; do whatever weird shit you want within the confines of the box, just keep it out of the common areas. If a guard happens upon you mid-stroke, they just turn their heads and walk the other way, like when you catch your dog tonguing away at his own nutsack — see no evil, stroke no evil, and such.

I know there isn’t a lot of love out there for the Juice, but as a proud masturbator and patriot this one just cuts deeper. Beyond it just being a politeness issue, it seems like an absolute violation of the 8th amendment’s protection against cruel and unusual punishment.

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Frankly, I’d like to see a little bit more activism surrounding this shocking abuse of Mr. Simpson’s civil liberties. Whenever some guy who killed two people while robbing a liquor store is about to get lethal injection, the demonstrators can’t get to the prison soon enough. Well where the fuck are the protests for OJ? Look at Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs – sex is right there with eating and breathing. If Juice was being deprived of air or food, you can be damn sure there would be a mob of people outside holding a hunger strike or a die-in.

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I for one, plan to masturbate multiple times a day until this horrible wrong is righted. If that means pummeling my cock around the clock for a decade, I’ll do it – solidarity is important. But I’m just one man, I only have one dick, and one ball sack which only holds so much sperm, and that’s why I’m calling on the ACLU to organize a rally in support of an inmate’s right to self-stimulate.  I want to see dicket lines of proud masturbators outside of every prison in the country, ookie cookie circles and stroke-ins across the street from every jail. No Jerk Off, No Peace! No Jerk Off, No Peace! We the people, will not rest until we may whack our peckers without fear of persecution.

The Savage Sacktap – Liberal Cannibalism And PC Silliness

Sup sluts; we’ve got an all new episode of the Savage Sacktap for your listening misery.

 

LISTEN HERE: The Savage Sacktap – Liberal Cannibalism And PC Silliness

In this episode you can hear Mike:

– Recap his Memorial Day Weekend, and pontificate on the finer points of getting laid at the Jersey Shore.

-Question the shit out of the most questionable birthday gift he’s ever received.

-Help a sushi chef get penis enlargement surgery.

-Defend Tiger Woods as a pill, bottle, and pussy popping emissary for the game of golf.

-Breakdown the controversy surrounding Bill Maher, Kathy Griffin, and that wonderful thing we call free speech.

-Address listener concerns regarding the behavior of naked men in the gym locker room.

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The Savage Sacktap – The RompHim Stomp Him Summer

Welcome to the Romp Him Stomp Him Summer, the next 14 weeks of fun are brought to you by the Romp Him — the causal garment for men of leisure who like to suck a little dick on the side.

LISTEN HERE: The Savage Sacktap – The RompHim Stomp Him Summer

Mike’s raging against fidget spinners, manspreading accusations, and poor summer clothing choices in this addition of The Savage Sacktap.

Then it’s time to pontificate about the death of Celino and Barnes, masturbating in front of a window, Trump and his pals in the USSR and much much more.

Before we close things out, Mike takes a voicemail and is forced to ponder the unthinkable — sex with Lena Dunham!

Gross!

Twitter: @MikeMontone

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