Apparently there are people out there getting kidnapped by fake Uber drivers. The situation has become so dire in fact, that The Today Show dedicated an entire segment to not getting kidnapped by a fake Uber driver. But I gotta ask, who are these idiots getting into cars with not-Uber drivers? It doesn’t make sense, you know what the car looks like you know what the driver looks like, you know the god damn license plate number. How are you still getting in the wrong car?
And of course the brouhaha surrounding Donald Trump and Stormy Daniels has continued in the courts, and in the lamestream media. Do I care? No! Am I going to talk about it? Yes! Check it all out in that there video up top…
Michael Rapoport has his panties in a bunch over something Bill Maher said, I guess that means he’s done feuding with Barstool Sports. Maybe he should just get the fuck off that high ass horse he’s been riding around on.
But he ain’t the only one. The entire country was in an uproar over Apu. Wait a minute haven’t you heard me mention that before? Yeah ya did! And I’m mentioning it again, because the Simpsons EP has decided to troll the critics like other, by doing a little something I like to call ‘playing the Trump card.’ Hey, you know what they say, if ya can’t beat em, checkout the latest episode of Sacktap Live.
Which is scary, especially when one considers that latest push among high school, college, and recent graduates to chip away at free speech and second amendment rights.
Any student of history can explain in rather simple terms that the Bill of Rights exists to protect individuals from government overreach. It is a bill of rights, not a bill of government granted privileges. The legitimacy of the government lies in the consent of the governed…at least that’s the way Thomas Jefferson and Co wanted it to be way back when they figured this whole thing out — something about a government by the people, for the people. So it’s disconcerting to see young people asking ‘why don’t we erode some of those rights’ while admitting that they lack a keen understanding of the consequences of forfeiting their rights.
I could write more about all this, but tell ya what, why don’t ya checkout the tasty video up top instead.
The stupidity continues, yesterday was day two of the congressional clusterfuck surrounding social media, and if it wasn’t abundantly clear already, none of our lawmakers know a thing about the internet. The biggest point that they seem to be missing is that signing up for Facebook is completely optional. By the way they were talking about it you’d think people were lined up at gunpoint, and marched to massive data processing centers and forced to turn over all of their information to a bunch of guys in suits with slicked back hair, who smoked big cigars lit with $100 bills, while laughing in everyone’s face. The reality of the situation is a lot less hilarious…maybe; a bunch of idiots willingly handed over their information so they could take stupid quizzes like ‘Which Friends Cast Member Are You?’ or ‘Which Venereal Disease Best Represents Your Personality?”
But if you thought our lawmakers were the biggest doufuses on the planet, think again. There are some in England calling for…get this shit…knife control! Apparently in tightly gun controlled London, stabbings have been on the rise. Oh go figure, the gun nuts were right. Take away one instrument and the violent will pick up another. Won’t be long before school-knifings become and epidemic over there. Home economics classes will be cancelled and school cafeterias will be restricted to all-soup menus. When will parliament do something?!? The op-eds will cry.
Mark Zuckerberg appeared in front of “We the Congress” on Tuesday and it was fuckin hilarious. Our intrepid lawmakers got right to work grilling errr grandstanding with inane questions and a demonstrable inability to understand the very basics of how Facebook functions.
One such Senator — I’m too lazy to look up who — proclaimed that if Zuckerberg doesn’t do something to prevent nefarious Russian bots from skimming data off the accounts of the dullards playing Candy Crush during your commute, or the jackasses answering ‘Which Sex And The City Cum Dumpster Am I” quizzes, then “We the Congress” must. I guess maybe then the hipster, liberal, elite will get their net neutrality after all…Everything’ll seem totally peachy, but just wait til there’s a Republican in the White House who might be tempted to use the policy in a questionable manner. Then they’ll rue the day they stomped their feet for it and demand a return to a truly free and open internet. Ahhhh, but reading sucks; watch the video above for more thoughts on this, and round the clock surveillance by the Elf On The Shelf.
Part of this episode is about how stupid the new fangled tradition of ‘Galentine’s Day’ is. Then I wax intellectual about Food Allergy Shaming, Peter Rabbit, ISIS using peanut oil to attack elementary schools, and using porn to empower women. Stick around long enough and you’ll hear Gary call in to talk about a woman who caught her boyfriend sending dirty dirty messages to horny dudes in a gay chat room, followed by a clip from my latest piece of work for The Goonery regarding the Aziz Ansari kerfuffle.