Don’t get buttfucked by a horse, that’s the big takeaway from this one. I’ll explain why equine sodomy is a sucker’s bet and how you can avoid having your colon ripped apart by Secretariat. Then it’s time to take a look at political perversion through the decades. From Jefferson to Clinton and beyond, American political figures have always been tremendous perverts. After having fun at our lusty lawmakers’ expense Mike asks the question that everyone has been afraid to — why the hell did the gays fight so hard to get married? They had it made in the shade. No kids, no divorce, no alimony, no nothing. Just anal, good buddies, and brunch. Silly.
The stupidity continues, yesterday was day two of the congressional clusterfuck surrounding social media, and if it wasn’t abundantly clear already, none of our lawmakers know a thing about the internet. The biggest point that they seem to be missing is that signing up for Facebook is completely optional. By the way they were talking about it you’d think people were lined up at gunpoint, and marched to massive data processing centers and forced to turn over all of their information to a bunch of guys in suits with slicked back hair, who smoked big cigars lit with $100 bills, while laughing in everyone’s face. The reality of the situation is a lot less hilarious…maybe; a bunch of idiots willingly handed over their information so they could take stupid quizzes like ‘Which Friends Cast Member Are You?’ or ‘Which Venereal Disease Best Represents Your Personality?”
But if you thought our lawmakers were the biggest doufuses on the planet, think again. There are some in England calling for…get this shit…knife control! Apparently in tightly gun controlled London, stabbings have been on the rise. Oh go figure, the gun nuts were right. Take away one instrument and the violent will pick up another. Won’t be long before school-knifings become and epidemic over there. Home economics classes will be cancelled and school cafeterias will be restricted to all-soup menus. When will parliament do something?!? The op-eds will cry.