Did you hear the one about the guy who set up dates with six women at the same place, on the same night, and then got caught by said broads before his plan could come to fruition?
On Monday night, according to an epic, now-viral Twitter thread, Pylant went on a date set up for her by friends. She met up with the guy at a bar that her friends work at, and even though she was warned by her bartender friend before she got there that her date “sucked,” she showed up anyway. reports Huffington Post
What ended up happening was an inspiring story for women who’ve wasted their time on a shitty date when they could have had a night out with people they actually like.
Yeah, an ‘inspiring story for women’ let me tell you something about women and inspiration, these feebleminded simpletons can be ‘inspired’ by anything. Case in point, this fuckery that my girlfriend’s roommate has painted on their living room wall.
But here’s the rub, everyone and their mother is just accepting this coven of 6’s story as fact…I think it deserves a deeper look.
From Left to Right (Maybe, No, Sure, Sure)
First of all, it’d be a stretch to call any of these chicken heads attractive, but there’s definitely a disparity among the group. From left to right we have one that is barely passable even in a dimly lit bar, bachelorette #2 looks like the result of a condomless night of passion between Mike Tirico and a brillo pad, the blonde just passes muster, and the proud black woman on the far right gets a slight boost simply because she adds a bit of ethnic flavor to the mix. Somehow they all agreed to go out for drinks with a guy who Brillo Pad has preemptively accused of ‘sucking’ — which just speaks volumes about the general psyche of millennial women, but I digress.
A plausible scenario thus far. Double booking dates is pretty standard practice these days what with flaking, texting, ghosting, swiping, and whatever the hell else it is that single people get into on their phones.
Sure I can buy, he fucked up and double booked chicks a bit too close to each other, and now his cover is blown. But holes are starting to develop. Did he exit for a ‘moment’ to hit the john or did he leave you two alone to have an intimate 30 minute convo? It’s one or the other not both — or was this guy so aloof that he allowed you to plot his downfall right in front of his face? Something here just isn’t adding up.
It seems at this point that the game is up. The three dates are there, and he’s apparently getting worked by a couple ugly chicks AND the bar staff…including bouncers? Who the fucks watching the door? And he’s just standing there like a chump as the whole thing unfolds? I smell a rat. This alleged dude clearly has very average taste in women, but still even when hitting on duffers, setting up 6 dates in one night requires at least a bit of savvy…no way he just sits there and allows the whole thing to play out like this.
Again, even if this somewhat preposterous story had been cut off at this point, I might be able to buy it, but it’s moving forward that these wenches really give the game away.
So, I don’t get it. He has more dates lined up for the night (we’ve only gotten through like 3 chicks so far) but decides to monopolize his time chasing one of the dates that just spent the night shitting all over him for double booking? Big stretch, dude has no reason to beg, he clearly has no problem meeting and convincing women to go out with him. I’m calling it here, FAKE TEXT, FAKE STORY, FAKE NEWS…but I wanna prove this well beyond a reasonable doubt, so we’ll keep playing.
‘Homeboy’ apparently has another date lined up for the same bar, and decides — despite the fact that the bartenders and bar staff helped blow up his spot with the previous dates — that the best course of action is to continue with his plan at the same bar…not a fucking chance.
You know those ‘Movies That Would Have Been Over In 15 Minutes If Someone Had A Cell Phone‘ things? This is precisely one of those scenarios.
All that ‘homeboy’ had to do to avoid further cucking by Brillo Pad is send a text to the next chick saying, “Hey, got tied up at work, mind meeting somewhere closer to my office? How bout XYZ Bar And Grille” and she would have been like “Oh yeah, sure, sounds good” and his problem would have been solved. But for some inexplicable reason, he decides to remain in enemy territory…curious indeed.
So your friends can tell based on sight alone who a woman is going to meet for a date? Or are they standing outside the bar intercepting other chicks as they walk in and asking them who they are there to meet? Because that’s way fuckin weirder than some dude trying to score with a bunch of chicks in one night…like waaaayyyyyyy fuckin weirder. At this point I don’t believe a word of what these best-life betches are saying.
So after you’ve intercepted one girl, he has again remained at the same bar to meet another girl? Again, at this point any rational man would have simply changed the location of subsequent dates…this story has more holes than Sonny Corleone at a toll booth.
August means preseason, sometimes you get cut without getting any practice reps, just the way the game goes really…except this isn’t the NFL, this is a dude who has already shelled out a few bucks, and spent precious hours trying to get laid…no way he cuts off a potential bang before at least letting throw a few passes against the second team defense.
So a project manager with the interpersonal skills to land 6 dates in one night doesn’t have the foresight to see that lining up so many dates in such a limited amount of time could easily end in disaster? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, something here does not add up.
A couple of important pieces of evidence I want to point to here, “Lisette is about to be Twitter famous”…this absolutely smacks of a planned ‘viral moment’ (per her twitter profile Lisette works in social media), and she’s shouting out the name of the bar? Obvious publicity stunt is obvious.
Really, and then he did it again? After being fucked with and rejected by five different chicks working in league with bartenders, and bouncers this guy said, “yeah, let me throw caution to the wind, sixth times a charm right?” Not a fucking chance toots…also, who goes on a date with their mother and aunt in tow? Who’s mother and aunt are out drinking on a weeknight? Who? Who?
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I submit to you that Lisette — a social media manager — colluded with friends, and bar workers at Anxocider to concoct a story that would at the same time boost her career and increase foot traffic to the bar. They scripted a fanciful, ludicrous tale and provided scant details about the alleged ‘homeboy’ all while failing to account for massive holes in their story. She begins with a ‘thread alert’ posted at just after 4 p.m. and concludes the tale with a final tweet after 8 p.m. Throughout the story she switches regularly between past and present tense, while having the time to engage in text conversations, drink, consort with bartenders and strangers, and provide a detailed account of this apparent ‘date stacking fail’ with near flawless grammar inside of a four hour window. Our accuser has been so bold as to assign to ‘homeboy’ the job title of project manager, and the ability to score six dates in one night, but denies him the intelligence to spread the dates throughout the evening, or the mental dexterity to relocate or reschedule once it was clear the game was up? Is he a project manager or is he an idiot? Which is it? The betting man says neither. The betting man says this reeks of a content creating conspiracy committed by Lisette and her friends. I will refer you once more to the picture of said strumpets posted earlier in the blog.
Lisette is the least attractive in the group, and yet she claims to be the apple of ‘homeboy’s’ eye.
Hubris, it seems, is Lisette’s downfall. Having already ascribed to ‘homeboy’ the traits of a calculating, rational man of industry, she then claims that she is ‘the only one he wants to get to know’…preposterous! The man described by these wenches never would have went so far as to grovel with a buck toothed brillo pad after being humiliated in a bar by a group of trolls and service industry professionals. He would have walked out the door, found another bar and changed plans with his subsequent dates, thus salvaging his evening at the onset of this bullshit. This story is made up, Lisette is a liar, and her friends are her accomplices. They embarked on a halfcocked grab at internet fame, and have been found out! I rest my case.